I'm sure you've come across some of these obtuse people, because there are more than a few of them. You may even be one of them. In that case, please take at least three deep breaths in and out and indulge yourself in a relaxing, leisurely reading of this text.
The person in question is usually a narrow-minded, often conspiratorial person with a quickly recognisable profile. He or she usually uses aggressive language, as if eternally angry, to refer to the 2030 Agenda.
It must also be said that not all of them are complete rednecks, there are some that I consider to be moderately intelligent, but they are the fewest, and they cease to seem so to me as soon as they shout No to Agenda 2030! with a frown on their faces and wave a torch.
These exalted characters always cite the 2030 Agenda in order to claim that it is all a twisted, abortive and evil political plan of I don't know what diabolical left-wing power.
In reality, they usually don't even know what it is about or where their crazy theories against it come from because they just repeat what they read or heard from some other such character dedicated to spreading half-truths, hoaxes and exported inventions.
I have asked some of them where exactly they see the evil in the list of objectives and, leaving aside the absurd theories based on science fiction comics that they make up (fantasy cannot be fought), they continue to claim that it is all an imposition with dark intentions (which they never quite specify) and at best argue that no one has voted for this agenda or its objectives to address global challenges.
According to prominent cenutrios such as Jaime Mayor Oreja and other right-wing andobas grouped in chiringuitos such as the NEOS platform , "the main objective of the Agenda is the replacement, substitution and destruction of the Christian foundations of our current social order".
What is the 2030 Agenda?
According to the definition of the ministry dedicated to such matters, this is what it is all about:
"The 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development is a plan of action for people, planet and prosperity, which also intends to strengthen universal peace and access to justice.
193 UN member states adopted a resolution recognising that the greatest challenge in the world today is the eradication of poverty and affirming that without poverty eradication there can be no sustainable development.
The Agenda sets out 17 Goals with 169 integrated and indivisible targets covering the economic, social and environmental spheres. In adopting it, States committed themselves to mobilise the means necessary for its implementation through partnerships with a special focus on the needs of the poorest and most vulnerable.
I can understand that some people may find these objectives too optimistic, even naïve because they are generalist. I understand that some points may even seem like a toast to the sun and that they have gone overboard with things that are difficult to achieve, not to say impossible thanks to the magic of capitalism. It can even be criticised that the percentage of compliance with these objectives a little more than 5 years before 2030 is ridiculous.
Be that as it may, here is a satirical review of these 17 objectives in an attempt to recreate what is most likely going through the minds of many of the characters described above.
1 End of poverty
But how can this be? There have always been poor people and traditions must be respected. Besides, for there to be rich people there must be poor people. Who is going to pay for this? Of course, they will take the money from the rich, who are the ones who generate work and wealth, to give it away to the lazy, to the "paguiteros" and to the invading immigrants.
2 Zero hunger
That, in addition to giving money to the poor, we are going to pay for their seafood. Juan Roig is there busting his hump and paying out of his own pocket for discounts on food in his supermarkets so that humanity can eat and now we are going to take market share away from him by handing out free food.
3 Health and well-being
Is nobody thinking about the shareholders of Grupo Hospitalario Quirón and its supportive board of directors? They will no longer be able to cheat with the public administrations. Surely they will raise taxes so that thousands of starving people can enjoy this welfare without contributing anything. Amancio Ortega will have to go to another planet to donate hospital machinery.
4 Quality education
They want to fag everyone, rewrite history and take away the rights of those who won the war in order to put it into children's heads that Francisco Franco was a dictator and a murderer who signed death sentences between siesta and siesta and that the 40 years of peace were in reality repression, as well as a disastrous social and cultural backwardness.
5 Gender equality
Not this. If women want to be equal to men, let them work in the mines. Neither machismo nor feminism, just common sense. And let's not talk about gender because that doesn't exist, it's ideology. And having ideology is pernicious for society. You start with ideas and end up burning containers.
6 Clean water and sanitation
Water is out of the question because they intend to pour chemical compounds into it to subdue the population, sterilise it and make it abhorrent as they are doing with the spraying of aeroplanes. Or do you still believe that chemtrails are condensation trails produced by the interaction of gases expelled by aeroplanes with those in the atmosphere?
7 Affordable and clean energy
They claim they want to guarantee access to affordable, secure, sustainable and modern energy for all, but this is their way of saying that they will expropriate energy companies and imprison and torture the owners of any factory with smoke coming out of its chimneys and those who do not sell energy at the government-imposed price.
8 Decent work and economic growth
Are they saying that there are indecent jobs? The point is to always attack the beaten-up employer. OK, there are some shitty jobs, but at least you have a job. That's where you start. The worker can't get paid too much because then the company is not competitive. And don't come to me with the theft of surplus value, that's for communists.
9 Industry, innovation and infrastructure
They want to destroy industry by raising the minimum wage and cutting working hours without reducing wages, which will force the exploitation of foreign workers in an irregular situation in slavery with 12-hour working days, without breaks and without pay so that the bosses can put a plate of food on their table.
10 Reducing inequalities
Of course, a worker without illustrious lineage who lives in an ugly neighbourhood will be the same as a well-to-do citizen who started out in a garage with a tea room in a nice housing estate thanks to family money or who made his own way by getting up every day at five o'clock in the morning to do burpees.
11 Sustainable cities and communities
Beware of the "fifteen-minute cities" because they want to cram the population into post-modern ghettos, take away our combustion vehicles and condemn us to the scooter. The housing estates will disappear and the good Christian families of high society will have to live in blocks of flats without lifts and surrounded by plebs.
12 Responsible production and consumption
They want to control what can be produced, what can be bought and how to do it. It is a plan to destroy the free market as a first step to refloat the Union of Spanish Soviet Socialist Republics and put in gulags anyone who tries to do business with the lawful speculation of food prices or any other commodity of prime necessity.
13 Climate action
Another tale of the communists. It has been 30 years since the climate denialist movement warned that the communists had pulled the climate change hoax out of the bag. After the fall of the USSR, the leftists invented climate change to collapse the capitalist economy. Even Rajoy's cousin knows this.
14 Underwater life
They start talking about underwater life and end up giving rights to sea bream and forbid us to cook them in salt because it would be animal abuse. In the end, we won't be able to eat meat or fish. They want us to eat insects, as Bill Gates, Miguel Bosé and a bunch of screaming youtubers have already said.
15 Life of terrestrial ecosystems
They are going to kill tourism. It won't even be possible to build a 20,000-room luxury hotel on the beachfront in a coastal nature reserve, and the mines won't be able to poison the rivers or pollute the national and nature parks with toxic sludge because there are small animals.
16 Peace, justice and strong institutions
Peace on the basis of pure and harsh repression by setting up Public Order Courts and the implementation of the Political-Socialist Brigade to crush any attempt by the population to organise itself into liberal or libertarian groups, that's how the fucking lefties understand freedom.
17 Partnerships to achieve the objectives
There is no need to explain this because they have been doing it for a long time, alliances with terrorists, Bolsheviks, Bolivarians and other criminals as part of the international Judeo-Masonic-Marxist-Marxist plan to establish by force the single thought and to put an armband with the logo of the Agenda 2030 on any dissident.
